You think you’re asking clearly for what you want in your relationship, but you’re not. A clear ask is vulnerable, so we don’t want to do it.
Take this example: You want to visit your family. You have a hunch your partner would rather go to the beach, so you say, “How do you want to use our vacation time this year?”
See how you side-stepped the clean ask? Your partner has no idea you want to visit your family.
You side-stepped because you feel vulnerable and afraid. That fear keeps your mind muddled so you can’t ask clearly for what you want. We all do it.
It takes practice to ask clearly and cleanly for what you want. This class breaks down the communication process into 6 steps:
When you’re afraid you resort to the 3 F’s: freeze, fight, or flee. These behaviors poison your communication. Get practical tips to overcome fear so you can connect with your spouse.
A lack of clarity causes conflict in your marriage. What do you want? It’s a simple question, but most conflict begins because you or your spouse are confused.
A clean ask is vulnerable, so we don’t want to do it. You’ll learn to identify what makes a clean ask, and how to get those words to come out of your mouth.
Have you ever felt like your spouse will love you IF you say yes instead of no? You’ll get binoculars to see conditions coming so your love stays pure.
You’ve said “Yes,” your spouse hears “No.” What happened? Identify invisible barriers in your language so you stop dissing your spouse unintentionally.
Weak boundaries cause wounds. Instead, build strong boundaries that create calm in your relationship.